Wednesday, 25 November 2015

What Is Love?

Hi Lovely Ones! 

In this instance, I'm going to show you something I added on my Insta {right hand side} in which is something I feel very strongly about right now… 

In the aftermath of the absolutely barbaric attacks of terrorism [or lets be realistic..declaration of War] upon our World, I feel somewhat in limbo within myself. Firstly, with how utterly incomprehensible & tragic these attacks are and also how much we need to cherish love. 
        I'm surrounded by a caring family & friends and realise how much I can take it for granted. Life is short and this quote..I want this. {back/again in life ?} Soulmates are rare to find. Grab love with both hands.

The end of the year is nigh and I don't know whether it's a shift in the treacherous weather making getting out of bed a whole lot harder or a shift in my emotional state, but I'm going from philosophical-loving-gloomy-good humoured-angry in about 5 seconds flat these days. 
       Being that it is exactly ONE month until Christmas and TWO days until my 28th birthday, my stress/anxiety levels could be heightened. Or so one of my friends reckons. Thing is, when I think about the above, I think of all the horrors of the world and then think of me, and how I possibly have thrived on stress for so many years that it somehow all toppled down onto me, and then I feel guilty. Like I'm a fraud, ya know?
      Because I am loved, I'm a lucky person but yet, I still compromise the position I am in. It can be tiring to continue to beat yourself up for things that you can't control. Even more tiring when you still have to function in life as normal & almost lie about how you feel/who you are…[1] 
       Then I figured, it's rejection I fear. Rejection of that kind've soulmate intimacy; that I miss, that I want again, that I can't find yet. Despite the fact that I've now been single over a year (Blimey. That's whizzed by), I have to be honest, if the guys I've been left with are anything to go by, I realllly don't want them in my bed ha! Call me picky but I'm old enough to know what I like & where I'm heading. Yes, I have a type I suppose. Look how that worked out for me. Life, you kill me….!! 

[1] There it is, in typical Luce style, I have backtracked. A month ago I wanted to "Put up a fight" You know the saying "one step forwards, two steps back". It's almost like I am not heeding my own advice. I know exactly what triggers negativity/anxieties for me, yet I still push at it. I also am not liking some peoples' opinions towards mental health; the comments they make that make me think 'Am I being fake?' 
It's those "what ifs and defences"  that are my demon. I'm a passionate person, I over-think things because I care but sometimes I think it can get confused by intensity & can then easily form arguments which get miscommunicated which most definitely ended things for my last relationship. I realise that the fretting that I was feeling back then was probably because I felt I was losing (him). That scared me. But I also scared (him). So I'm glad I know that now. I'm a bit crazy ya know ;-)

After a recent discussion with my neuropsychologist, I definitely felt that I am going to do further research into 'alternative' support- as if I'm being perfectly honest, and as anyone is aware I'm a straightforward kinda girl- I don't gel very well with her. I just think we know ourselves the best and I know what I'm doing. Does that sound inconsiderate or make sense!?

Moving swiftly on to some less, intense chit-chat (!) Halloween was lovely. Seemed a pretty fitting holiday this year, considering what emotions whirl through my little head! After that, I got ill for a week or so; struck down with the lurgy- I personally blame the flu jab (taken for my low immune system). So no Fireworks this year….
I've been to the theatre a lot recently, there's nothing more magical than the theatre. Bloody love it! 
       The world knows how to struck us when we're hot eh? ;-) Ha.

Exercise has been fabulous; but half a stone takes BLOODY forever to leave!

Just Keep Going; You are Strong